Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
