The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
im on a boat
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