i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
