I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
