Will you blow on my dice?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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