So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
