we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
