yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
