And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
