There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
