Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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