whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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