i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
