I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
