I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
