Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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