The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
