someone get that fucking seahorse.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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