I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
