She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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