went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
