I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
