eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
