I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
