my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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