Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
