Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
