So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
