you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
