I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
