nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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