How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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