If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
