just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
