Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
