Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
