the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
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We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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