Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
