I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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