I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
