Umm I'm too high to move.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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