i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
