you would pick up someone in the library
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it penis luge time yet?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
