Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
