Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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