I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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