Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
