yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
