this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
