i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
