tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You made out with two different species that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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