Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
