I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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