I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
