Pappa wants mamma naked
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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