you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
be right there i have to get my cape
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
