So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
