she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
