He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
