We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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