i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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