He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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